As we wrap up 2009 I found it interesting, but hardly surprising that US News & World Reports announced marriage and family therapy as one of the 50 best careers for 2010. Why? Because counseling works! I can’t tell you how many times I have seen individuals and couples in horrible distress who feel more hopeful after just one therapy session. Most people are in therapy for a lot longer than one session of course and I am certainly not claiming the positive results are due to my “personal brilliance”. However when we think about the three most important characteristics in a counselor; those being “empathy, warmth, and genuineness,” (William Miller), it’s hardly surprising that people respond well to therapy, which is why the field is growing. The best advice I can give anyone considering therapy is that if you think you need it, you just might. I love what Sydney Smith said, “Resolve to make at least one person happy every day, and then in ten years you may have made three thousand, six hundred and fifty persons happy, or brightened a small town by your contribution to the fund of general enjoyment.” That is what it is like to be a therapist 7 days a week, so what’s not to love!
If I had a condom for each time somebody told me their sexual activity is down during the holidays, we could reduce unwanted teen pregnancies by 50%. If you want be among the group who has a December filled with romance, it starts with intention.
For 10 sure fire tips on how to get the sex you want this holiday season go to an article I wrote at http://www.accessrx.com/blog/sexuality-dr-neil-cannon/top-10-holiday-tips-for-sex/. Enjoy!
What really goes on for men when they are dating? Why don’t traditional relationships work for everyone? Mark Anthony, self-described “serial dater” is going to answer those questions and more. The Sex & Intimacy Show is one hour of unadulterated entertainment and eduction! It is the only radio show where no question is off limits and no topic is taboo! For details about how to listen every Thursday night go to www.sexandintimacyshow.com
To learn more about serial dater, Mark Anthony, the most interesting man in Canada you can visit his blog at: http://confessionsserialdater.blogspot.com/. We hope you will kick off your weekend by joining us for a sexy Thursday night!
Over the years I’ve had wonderful therapists and I’ve had awful therapists. Most of my colleagues range from good to gifted. Unfortunately, I also come across therapists that I wouldn’t let pet my cat, let alone work with one of my friends. There is not a week that goes by that I am not asked how to select a therapist. I write a monthly column for AccessRx — a leading men’s health blog and decided to comprehensively tackle the issue in the hopes that it will help people know what to look for. A good therapist can help you heal while a bad therapist can do permanent damage. If you would like to learn more about how to make one of the biggest life-choices that you will ever make, you can read my article at the AccessRx.com blog. Look for the article called “Sex Whisperers: How to Select the Right Sex Therapist.”
We’ve all done it. ”If only my partner would do X, Y, or Z, our relationship would be so much better.” With that in mind, I hope you enjoy the following story by Valerie Cox as much as I do…
“A woman was waiting at an airport one night,
With several long hours before her flight.
She hunted for a book in the airport shops.
Bought a bag of cookies and found a place to drop.
She was engrossed in her book but happened to see,
That the man sitting beside her, as bold as could be.
Grabbed a cookie or two from the bag in between,
Which she tried to ignore to avoid a scene.
So she munched the cookies and watched the clock,
As the gutsy cookie thief diminished her stock.
She was getting more irritated as the minutes ticked by,
Thinking, “If I wasn’t so nice, I would blacken his eye.”
With each cookie she took, he took one too,
When only one was left, she wondered what he would do.
With a smile on his face, and a nervous laugh,
He took the last cookie and broke it in half.
He offered her half, as he ate the other,
She snatched it from him and thought… oooh, brother.
This guy has some nerve and he’s also rude,
Why he didn’t even show any gratitude!
She had never known when she had been so galled,
And sighed with relief when her flight was called.
She gathered her belongings and headed to the gate,
Refusing to look back at the thieving ingrate.
She boarded the plane, and sank in her seat,
Then she sought her book, which was almost complete.
As she reached in her baggage, she gasped with surprise,
There was her bag of cookies, in front of her eyes.”
(Story contributed by the world’s great son, Ki Cannon)
Last Thursday at a Georgia night club, partygoers decided to dance in their underwear. Thank goodness the Atlanta Police Department (APD) stepped in and saved the crowd of adult patrons from themselves by arresting them. If not for APD, consenting adults might have seen each other in their underwear. Doesn’t JC Pennny spend millions each year with footage of beautiful models wearing sexy lingerie in their prime time TV ads? Thank heaven that APD was alert to the danger and even called in the “Red Dog Unit” which is generally reserved for gang violence. Perhaps the police were concerned that the dancers might be packing Uzi’s underneath the elastic of their undies. Ultimately, 62 patrons and 8 employees were cuffed and forced to lay face down on the ground. What were these rebels being charged with, you ask? Indecency. Indecency, really? Haven’t the APD guys ever ever been to the beach or looked at a Sears Catalog? I wonder if the Atlanta DA will go for the death penalty against the CEO of Victoria Secret. Are our tax dollars really being spent on this nonsense? In Atlanta, apparently we are when it comes to gay bars. As the men were roughly being forced to the ground, they were also on the receiving end of anti-gay slurs and excessive force. Can you imagine people at a straight club in an upscale part of your city being treated this way? Of course not. This is discrimination against a sexual minority and it should bother every American. In this great country it has to be okay to be white or black or mexican or asian or gay or straight, or god forbid, even left-handed. In case you were wondering, “The mission of the Atlanta Police Department is to reduce crime and promote the quality of life, in partnership with our community…(and with values of) Dedication, Professionalism, Integrity.” Whoops!
She may not be Bill Clinton, but she is definitely one of the most important people in the field of sexuality. Dr. Patti Britton is the Immediate Past President of the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT). www.aasect.org. Past President’s of AASECT read like the “Who’s Who” of sexuality professionals. AASECT is the leading organization that certifies sex therapists throughout the world. As I was thinking about the honor of having Dr. Britton appear on our show, I couldn’t help but think back to the elation I felt the day I learned that my 75 page application to become an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist was approved by the certification committee. In addition to adherence to a strict code of ethics, AASECT Certified Sex Therapists are required to meet a long list of educational, experiential and clinical requirements. Few people are better equipped to discuss any sexual concern than Certified Sex Therapist, Dr. Patti Britton. I hope you will join us for what promises to be an excellent show. For more about the show: www.sexandintimacyshow.com. To learn more about Dr. Patti Britton: http://www.yoursexcoach.com/
Most of us would agree that Ferraris, mansions, and yachts are reserved for the privileged. How many of us however view sex as a privilege? Elderly people who live in retirement homes rarely have sufficient privacy for sex . People with disabilities are often told they are lucky to be alive so they shouldn’t even worry about sex. And what about the members of our armed forces who so valiantly serve our country but are separated from their sexual partners for long periods of time. Next time you see a homeless person give some thought as to what their sex life must be like. I’m just saying, even if you don’t have a private jet, if you are having sex you may be more privileged than you ever gave yourself credit for.
Sending gays to therapy to become “un-gay” has been a hotly debated topic within the mental health community for many years. One school of thought (from a very tiny school with even smaller thoughts) is that homosexuality is a mental illness and that gays should undergo “reparative therapy” in order to become heterosexual. The American Psychological Association (APA) representing its’ 150,000 professional members, said yesterday that after an exhaustive review of 50 years worth of studies, even if gays wanted to become straight there is no credible evidence concluding that reparative therapy is effective. As a clinician who has worked with countless people of every sexual orientation, I can say with confidence that sexual orientation is not a choice, but rather a clear case of nature over nurture. The only people that need repair are the people who impose their moral values on others, pathologize those who are different than themselves, and claim there is only one way to live in this life.
Judgemental therapists give me a headache. Most therapists are compassionate, skilled, emapthic, loving, kind, supportive and nurturing. Several times per year however, including today, a new client sadly told me they were judged by their former therapist because said therapist wasn’t comfortable with the client’s sexual practices. That is maddening to me! As a member of the helping professions our vary ethos is to ”first do no harm.” Fortunately, just when my gaskets were about to blow, a dear friend sent me this lovely quote from one of our former professors. The following quote from Dr. Epp reminded me of just how many extraordinary people there are in our field, when she said: “I am a sexologist and that means I’ve given my life to the scientific study of organized information about sex. Just as I wouldn’t judge daisies over roses if I were a botanist, I don’t judge sexual behaviors.” ~ Janice Epp, PhD — You go, girl. BTW: Dr. Charles Moser wrote a book entitled Health Care Without Shame. His book is difficult to obtain these days, however our health care system would be a kinder, gentler place if Moser’s book was required reading for all health care professionals.