We’ve all done it. ”If only my partner would do X, Y, or Z, our relationship would be so much better.” With that in mind, I hope you enjoy the following story by Valerie Cox as much as I do…
“A woman was waiting at an airport one night,
With several long hours before her flight.
She hunted for a book in the airport shops.
Bought a bag of cookies and found a place to drop.
She was engrossed in her book but happened to see,
That the man sitting beside her, as bold as could be.
Grabbed a cookie or two from the bag in between,
Which she tried to ignore to avoid a scene.
So she munched the cookies and watched the clock,
As the gutsy cookie thief diminished her stock.
She was getting more irritated as the minutes ticked by,
Thinking, “If I wasn’t so nice, I would blacken his eye.”
With each cookie she took, he took one too,
When only one was left, she wondered what he would do.
With a smile on his face, and a nervous laugh,
He took the last cookie and broke it in half.
He offered her half, as he ate the other,
She snatched it from him and thought… oooh, brother.
This guy has some nerve and he’s also rude,
Why he didn’t even show any gratitude!
She had never known when she had been so galled,
And sighed with relief when her flight was called.
She gathered her belongings and headed to the gate,
Refusing to look back at the thieving ingrate.
She boarded the plane, and sank in her seat,
Then she sought her book, which was almost complete.
As she reached in her baggage, she gasped with surprise,
There was her bag of cookies, in front of her eyes.”
(Story contributed by the world’s great son, Ki Cannon)
She may not be Bill Clinton, but she is definitely one of the most important people in the field of sexuality. Dr. Patti Britton is the Immediate Past President of the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT). www.aasect.org. Past President’s of AASECT read like the “Who’s Who” of sexuality professionals. AASECT is the leading organization that certifies sex therapists throughout the world. As I was thinking about the honor of having Dr. Britton appear on our show, I couldn’t help but think back to the elation I felt the day I learned that my 75 page application to become an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist was approved by the certification committee. In addition to adherence to a strict code of ethics, AASECT Certified Sex Therapists are required to meet a long list of educational, experiential and clinical requirements. Few people are better equipped to discuss any sexual concern than Certified Sex Therapist, Dr. Patti Britton. I hope you will join us for what promises to be an excellent show. For more about the show: www.sexandintimacyshow.com. To learn more about Dr. Patti Britton: http://www.yoursexcoach.com/
I heard about this unbelievable “Kitty Porn” story from a colleague. Frankly however, I was afraid to follow-up because I didn’t want to Google “Kitty Porn” and innocently get caught up in an FBI sting where the good guys were trying to catch the bad guys. That said I knew this story was the cat’s meow so I took the risk and now the cat is out of the bag. There is a sex offender (SO) in Florida. He got busted by the FBI who found over 1000 images of child porn on the SO’s computer. But here’s the gem of all defenses. The alleged SO claimed his cat jumped on his key board and downloaded the porn. Yes, the SO claimed the kitty was responsible for all 1000 pictures of kiddy porn. Personally, I think this guy is lion. Furthermore, when the investigatoin is complete I bet they find this guy has a long history of dogs eating his homework!
Most of us would agree that Ferraris, mansions, and yachts are reserved for the privileged. How many of us however view sex as a privilege? Elderly people who live in retirement homes rarely have sufficient privacy for sex . People with disabilities are often told they are lucky to be alive so they shouldn’t even worry about sex. And what about the members of our armed forces who so valiantly serve our country but are separated from their sexual partners for long periods of time. Next time you see a homeless person give some thought as to what their sex life must be like. I’m just saying, even if you don’t have a private jet, if you are having sex you may be more privileged than you ever gave yourself credit for.
Hard Days, Soft Nights…
As men’s age goes up, some uncooperative penises go down. As we age sex can often be different. Not necessarily better or worse, just different. I had an older couple in my office today who are learning to redefine what sex looks like for them as they age. I couldn’t help but think of my two favorite bulls here in the majestic foothills of Colorado. There was an old bull and a young bull. They stood together looking down at a herd of well groomed heifers. The young bull declared, “I’m going to run down there and get me one of them cows.” The old bull thoughtfully replied, “I’m going to walk down and get them all.” The moral of the story for our aging population; less can be more!
Judgemental therapists give me a headache. Most therapists are compassionate, skilled, emapthic, loving, kind, supportive and nurturing. Several times per year however, including today, a new client sadly told me they were judged by their former therapist because said therapist wasn’t comfortable with the client’s sexual practices. That is maddening to me! As a member of the helping professions our vary ethos is to ”first do no harm.” Fortunately, just when my gaskets were about to blow, a dear friend sent me this lovely quote from one of our former professors. The following quote from Dr. Epp reminded me of just how many extraordinary people there are in our field, when she said: “I am a sexologist and that means I’ve given my life to the scientific study of organized information about sex. Just as I wouldn’t judge daisies over roses if I were a botanist, I don’t judge sexual behaviors.” ~ Janice Epp, PhD — You go, girl. BTW: Dr. Charles Moser wrote a book entitled Health Care Without Shame. His book is difficult to obtain these days, however our health care system would be a kinder, gentler place if Moser’s book was required reading for all health care professionals.
Everyone has heard of the 7 year itch. In clinical terms there are actually three stages of a relationship that are at higher levels of risk for divorce. Years 7, 15 and 25. During those times it is easy to focus on the problems. I like the approach that my colleague Tammy Nelson (seen right) takes which is to focus on the strengths of a relationship, or what she calls the “Waking Up Stage.” When couples learn to re-connect the spark can live on for the long term. In her book, Getting the Sex You Want, Tammy says, “When you crave more passion in your relationship, you really crave move depth or intimacy.” If you want to hear Tammy live, you can tune in to The Sex & Intimacy Show this Thursday, July 23, 2009. www.sexandintimacyshow.com
Remember the song “I’m Too Sexy”? You know the one, “I’m too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it hurts”…
Well, I never thought I’d say these words, but it’s official. I truly understand the burden of being too sexy…TOO SEXY FOR PRIMETIME, that is! We had our inaugural show last week and we were just too hot for prime time, so we’re movin on up. The Sex & Intimacy Show will now air live on Thursday’s at 10pm Mountain (9pm PDT/Midnight EDT).
Still Two Ways to Tune In…
1. The show will broadcast live on the Mile High Sports network in Denver Colorado *AM 1510* at 10pm Mountain Time.
2. Listeners from across the country and around the world can tune in live at 9pm PDT/midnight EDT on www.MileHighSports.com or click on the “listen here” link from our site http://SexAndIntimacyShow.com
Clearly The Sex & Intimacy Show is still the edgy, fun and informative show where no question is off limits and no topic is taboo. Learn how to create sizzling sex and healthy relationships for a lifetime as Elaina and I provide an honest, entertaining and engaging approach to everybody’s favorite subject. The show is sex positive, relevant, and always full of humor and heart.
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One of the biggest challenges couples of all ages face is the use of what I call the two “killer words,” i.e., “always” and “never.” You always do this and you never do that! Always and never are relationship killers because they don’t allow for growth and change. I love this picture of two young newlyweds. Partly because it is my son and his bride, both of whom I dearly love. But also because this image is symbolic of love and intimacy when couples are walking forward instead of looking backwards. Happy anniversary, kids! www.doctorcannon.com
Sexual desire is the number one concern people bring to my sex therapy practice. One partner wants more and one partner wants less. This is particularly true with new parents. Mom’s hormones are running rampant after the birth of a child, the baby is screaming bloody murder, the new dad doesn’t know what to do, etc., etc. I am pleased to say that there is a “must read” book just published on the subject written by my colleague and friend, Dr. Ian Kerner, author of “She Comes First.” Ian’s new book is called, “Love in the Time of Colic: The New Parents’ Guide to Getting it On Again”. When the going gets tough, sex is the glue that holds relationships together. Ian’s book may be the best relationship insurance policy that parents can buy! www.doctorcannon.com