Green M&M’s – the sweetest aphrodisiac…

On December 19, 2008, in Uncategorized, by drneilcannon1


The little blue pill certainly has its place however you can pop a couple of green M&M’s without a prescription for better sex as well. Here is my “scientific” evidence.  First, chocolate is often associated with romance so you can’t go wrong there.  Secondly, the urban legend that green M&M’s increase sexual desire first began on college campuses during the sexual revolution so we have history and tradition on our side.  Third, with our heightened consciousness for being environmentally friendly, green is sexy.  Fourth, the color green is associated with fertility and healing.  Lastly, even if it is the placebo effect, if the candy makes you randy, then Dr. Neil says it’s dandy!

The sexual power of green M&M’s…

On December 17, 2008, in Uncategorized, by drneilcannon1

Are green M&M’s an aphrodisiac? Fact, fiction or mythology — that is the question. As a sex therapist I can tell you it is a fact that green M&M’s can enhance your sex life.  Why? I hate to leave you on the “verge” but green is sexy.  Stay tuned for my next post if you want the answer. google-green-mms

How to avoid band aid relationships…

On December 13, 2008, in Uncategorized, by drneilcannon1

I had a woman in my office recently who is in a new relationship.  She is attracted to the woman she is dating however the more intimate they become, the more concerns she has about their sexual compatibility.  As a strength based couples counselor I tell my clients at the first session that I will fight for their relationship longer than they will.  In a perfect world, I would like for her new lover to join us in counseling however her lover is resistant.  So at this point in time the woman is my client and therefore my mission is to help my client to reach *her* goals.  Dating is an opportunity to explore and learn who we are going to be compatible with.  Sexuality is the only thing that separates a friendship from an intimate partnership. The relationship we are discussing is very new and it seems to me that this is a wonderful opportunity for my client to think about what she really wants in a partner.  When working with people who are dating and caught up in the excitement and fears that go with new relationships, I like to challenge people who are on the fence to expand their self-curiosity and help them be conscious as to whether they are “selecting, or settling”.

Sex with Santa…

On December 12, 2008, in Uncategorized, by drneilcannon1

The key to enhancing sex and intimacy during the holidays are twofold.  The first step is to create the intention to bring the joy of the season into the bedroom.  A little mistletoe on the top of the headboard can act as a loving reminder.  The second step is to identify holiday landmines and create a plan to minimize them.  The most common holiday stressors for couples are money, family, over-indulgence and over-committing.  So if you want to have better sex with Mr. or Mrs. Clause, avoid stepping in the reindeer dung by having a conversation with your partner about what would make this holiday season special and sexy for both of you.

Recovering from infidelity…

On December 4, 2008, in Uncategorized, by drneilcannon1

Yesterday shined a spotlight for me on the process required to heal from infidelity.  I had a couple in my office that was in week 14 of therapy following an affair.  Three months earlier this couple was on the verge of divorce.  Neither party wanted to be in therapy and in fact after the first session the couple was so mad at each other I wasn’t certain if they would actually come back.  This week when I saw them they had grown to the point that they are closer and more intimate than ever.  They are looking forward and dreaming about the future.  Fast forwarding to the same leather couch in my office two hours later I was working with a different couple who was in week 2 of a similar situation.  The anger was raw.  The mistrust rampant.  Shame and guilt filled the room.  Divorce was on the table.  It was difficult for the second couple to see any glimmer of hope.  The major difference between the two couples of course is where they are in the process.  There is a myth that couples cannot recover from affairs.  Nothing could be farther from the truth.  As demonstrated by the first couple, an affair can actually act as a catalyst to enhance communication, love, sex and intimacy.  The one thing we know about people who are willing to make the effort and fight through the pain is that there is always hope, possibility and potential.   

World AIDS Day…

On December 2, 2008, in Uncategorized, by drneilcannon1


Today is World AIDS Day.  If you are my age (51), you enjoyed your high school and college experience never needing to worry about dying from having sex!  Then in 1984 our world changed when the first case of AIDS was explained in the New York Times.  Today, two and half decades later, the advances in medicine have made it is easy to forget that AIDS remains incurable. The good news is however that AIDS is preventable.  Whether you are straight or gay, male or female,  16 or 60; one of the best ways that we can honor those who have suffered before us is to use this day as a reminder to practice safer sex while also providing comprehensive sexuality education to our young people.  You can locate the AIDS Memorial Quilt World AIDS Day display in your community by visiting and click on the map for a display in your community.  The web site gives you a wonderful opportunity to learn more about the AIDS Memorial Quilt.  What a great way to remember that we are all sexual beings and we are all human! Thank you, Dr. Thomas Gertz for all that you have done to help in this worldwide cause.

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Sarcasm & sex mix like oil and water…

On November 28, 2008, in Uncategorized, by drneilcannon1

A couple of years ago I was counseling a delightful young couple who unfortunately fought incessantly.  I quickly came to learn that a key component of their communication style was sarcasm.  He was toxically sarcastic and she enabled him to do so.  When the sarcasm went away, so too did their troubles.  The difference between good natured teasing and sarcasm lies in the intent.  In its simplest form the intention behind sarcasm is generally a veiled attempt to utilize humor to ask for what we want.  In some cases sarcasm is a cry for help when we feel like we are being ignored.  For others it is simply what they saw their parents do.  People who live with a sarcastic partner often think it is no big deal however when we peel back the emotional onion we almost always find that the sarcastic message feels hurtful and chips away at the soul of a relationship.  Like so many things in life, happiness flourishes as we learn to be increasingly conscious of our thoughts, feelings, intentions and behaviors.  Learning to communicate lovingly is a great way for couples to gain more sex and intimacy in their relationship.

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The gay therapedian…

On November 21, 2008, in Uncategorized, by drneilcannon1


Over the years I have observed that generally happy pepole tend to take their work seriously but themselves lightly.  The following You Tube clip was made by a friend and colleague, the author and sex therapist, Joe Kort.  If you feel like you need a two minute smile, this clip is for you.

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A sex therapist gives thanks…

On November 19, 2008, in Uncategorized, by drneilcannon1

As Thanksgiving approaches a group of us were talking about what we are most thankful for professionally.  Here is my response…

I am thankful for the opportunity to help people heal and to help people grow. I am thankful for the ability to help people feel normal. I am thankful for the ability to help people embrace their sexual fantasies, desires, behaviors, orientation and identity.  I am thankful when I can help somebody let go of shame.  I am thankful for the opportunity to help people find hope when things seem hopeless.  I am thankful when I can help a couple solve their problems and remain a family.  I am thankful for the opportunity to positively touch lives every day.  I am thankful that I have the most beautifully fulfilling job on earth and get paid to do something I love.

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A Mother’s love…

On November 13, 2008, in Uncategorized, by drneilcannon1

I have a wonderful mother and adult daughter that I have been working with.  They gave me permission to share this story.  18 months ago the daughter suffered a terrible tragedy, which of course means the mother is hurting deeply as well.  When the adult daughter was a little girl she had a pet hamster.  The hamster suddenly became ill while mom was “babysitting” it.  Although no autopsy was performed and CSI wasn’t called, it seems the hamster went into cardiac arrest.  When mom saw the little hamster on its’ back, she was so concerned for her daughter’s feelings that she responded immediately by giving the hamster CPR.  Mom breathed into the hamster’s little mouth and pumped her fingers on the pet’s little chest.  This is an image that has given me many smiles since I heard the story.  The beauty in the story of course far exceeds the comical image.  The strength of both women is so impressive.  These amazing women have proven that there is always hope and that anything is possible, particularly when a family is graced by deep roots that have grown from a mother’s love!

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