I have been caring for Gender Variant folks now for nearly a decade now. It isn’t the largest part of my practice, however it is a part of my work that I cherish because being transgendered in our society can be extremely difficult. When “In Touch” Magazine asked me to be interviewed about Bruce Jenner’s transition, I decided to do it in the hopes that my comments might be one small step toward making it easier for all families where there is Gender Variance. To be clear, Bruce is not my client or I wouldn’t be talking about this.
However there is a lesson here where all of us cisgendered folks can help. It is very important to almost all transgendered folks that they are referred to with proper pronouns. Most of what is written about Bruce continues to refer to Bruce as him. If we are being respectful, we would ask how a trans-person wants to be referred to and then do that judiciously. A person transitioning from Male to Female would generally want to be referred to as female, she, her. That is one way all of us can help make our transgendered friends and family feel loved and supported.
As this week unfolded I realized there was an unusually high level of curiosity from my clients and friends as to how the “sex therapist” was going to spend Valentine’s Day. I can only wonder what they were imaging we had planned. Better tighten the bolts on the chandeliers!
The truth is that my partner and I don’t actually treat Valentine’s Day differently than any other day because we try to make everyday special. We don’t exchange gifts on V-Day and we don’t go out. We stay in and I do my best to cook something yummy, just like most Saturday nights.
The truth is that we made a commitment to each other nearly a decade ago to create such a high quality relationship that we would wake up each morning and select each other all over again, every day of our life. So for us, it is less about making certain days special, and more about making every day special.
But that’s just us. There are as many ways to live a wonderful life as there are couples. However you celebrate, Happy Valentine’s Day to all!
It is with great pleasure that I will begin teaching this year at the University of Michigan School of Social Work Sexual Health Certificate Program. The University of Michigan is one of the leading programs in the world for clinicians on a path towards becoming sex therapists. I am honored to be a part of such a fine institution.
This is a part time position and I am not relocating to Ann Arbor, as lovely as it is. Everything related to my practice, teaching and supervision commitments in Colorado remain unchanged.
Becca and I were watching the history channel tonight and we saw a story about WWII submarine Captain Eugene B. Fluckey. We couldn’t help but wonder, what if my name was Neil Fluckey? No matter how much expertise or experience I had, would anyone really see a sex therapist named Dr. Fluckey? Just sayen’
This is a great opportunity for anyone wanting exceptional training to become an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist. If chosen, you would be studying under one of the leading men in our field, Dr. Eli Coleman and his team.
The Program in Human Sexuality at the University Of Minnesota Medical School is seeking applicants to join a vibrant team of faculty and postdoctoral fellows for a two-year fellowship program. Fellows would provide individual, family, couple and group psychotherapy for a wide range of sexual dysfunctions and problems including: relationship and sexual problems, transgender issues, sexual orientation concerns, compulsive sexual behavior, paraphilias, sexual offending, and HIV counseling. The clinic serves a diverse group of patients (an average of 1,300 visits per month), including children, adolescents, minorities, disabled individuals, and clients with chronic medical or mental health problems.
We are looking to fill two positions by fall of 2015. Interested candidates should submit a copy of their curriculum vitae, cover letter, and three letters of recommendation no later than December 31st to the Program in Human Sexuality, attn. Eli Coleman 1300 S. 2nd St., Suite 180, Minneapolis, MN 55454 at: http://employment.umn.edu/applicants/Central?quickFind=124167
Let’s suppose you make a wrong turn trying to get to my office and instead of arriving in Cherry Creek, you end up in Sweden. Not likely of course, but just in case, you don’t need to worry because now you can get therapy from a licensed psychologist in the back of taxi-cab in Stockholm.
A forward thinking trend, or taxicab craziness?
Myth 1: Sex addiction is about sex and only sex…
Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation’s LGBTQ-Integrative Program Director Buster Ross teaches a course on sex addiction at the organization’s graduate school and took a similar stance as Skurtu.
“Sex addiction, also referred to as hypersexuality, was considered for the most recent revision of the diagnostic manual clinicians use when making diagnoses, the DSM 5,” he said. “After extensive review, it was not adopted as a diagnostic condition because there was insufficient evidence to support such a diagnosis as a primary condition.”
“It’s not that the struggles aren’t real,” he continued. “It’s just that professionals are not convinced that ‘sex addiction’ is its own condition, perhaps best understood as symptomatic of other underlying mental health disorders (ADHD, impulse disorders, trauma-related disorders, bipolar disorder, stimulant-use disorders).”
Ross, an AASECT certified sexuality counselor, added the most effective treatment will come from therapists who understand eroticism from a sex-positive orientation and choose to focus on treating the underlying disorders instead of using labels like sex addiction that contribute to shame and the sexual disempowerment of clients.
“Sexuality professionals within AASECT are certified to treat sexual problems from a diverse range of approaches, offering alternatives to an addiction model, something necessary for issues as complex as modern sexuality and relationships,” he said.
To see the entire article you can go to:
To read more about my treatment philosophy you can go to:
My Pal and colleague, Dr. Paul Joannides launched a very cool new web site to help support healthy sexuality for teens and young adults. Paul is the author of the award winning book, “The Guide to Getting it On” which is a wonderfully comprehensive book that belongs in every home.
When I interview my clients about sex information they received from their parents when they were growing up, the most common answer is “silence.” Most families just don’t communicate with their kids about sex and that results in a multitude of problems. Paul’s new web site is a great resource for sexuality educators and parents alike! www.mybeautifulsexlife.com