I have treated countless men who were abused as children. For many, the shame runs deep. ”Why me? What did I do wrong? What if I was turned-on by the abuse?” For every man I treat who has been abused, there are different questions. One thing that rings consistently is a feeling of isolation when it comes to being able to talk about this their abuse. It is the big dark secret that men are afraid to discuss!
“Boys and Men Healing From Child Sexual Abuse” is coming to Boulder next week as a special preview. One of my mentors was instrumental in making this film and as such I had the privilege of following along with this film as it was being produced and was I able to preview it in its’ infancy. For men who have been abused, and the people who love them, it can indeed have the power to transform!
If this topic is of interest to you as a client or clinician, you won’t want to miss Boys and Men Healing!
April 9, 2013 at 6pm at the Boulder Public Library.
There is a celebratory day for everything from groundhogs to egg salad, so why not celebrate a little toe-curling sex? Back in 1980, Sex Therapist, Dr. Roger Libby launched National Orgasm Week and it has been going strong ever since. A little known fact is that the same Dr. Libby authored one of the best sex ed books ever created. ”The Naked Truth About Sex: A Guide to Intelligent Sexual Choices for Teenagers and Twenty-Somethings” is a wonderful book written in MTV format that is ideal for folks in that age group, as well as their parents!
Did you know that Colorado has a much higher than average number of baby boomers per capita than the average state? On February 4, 2013, I am delighted to be moderating a workshop on “Aging & Sexuality” that Marne Wine, LPC & Certified Sex Therapist will be conducting. The workshop is limited to professionals only. If you would like to attend and are not yet a member of AASECT, please e-mail me for details. email@example.com. If you want to read more about this topic you may enjoy the book, “Naked at Our Age” by Joan Price.
A new study was released today by Sexual Health Rankings indicating that in terms of overall sexual health, Colorado was number 15, Vermont was 1 and Mississippi was last. Sexual Health Rankings is based on a holistic, positive concept of sexual health, first advanced by the World Health Organization (WHO), that is widely accepted by authorities in the health and social sciences.
Congratulations to Vermont! Perhaps a good next step for the good folks of Mississippi would be to start by legalizing sex toys!
I have been so busy with my practice that I have taken a hiatus from blogging however the misinformation recently provided by Kathie Lee & Hoda on the Today Show was so alarmingly inaccurate I needed some place to shout. They did a segment on “The New Sex Therapy” where they essentially said that clients could now pay their sex therapist to watch them having sex and give them feedback. Nothing could be farther from the truth.
Most Certified Sex Therapists are first and foremost, Licensed Mental Health Professionals governed by the laws and ethics of the state they practice in. As a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist in the state of Colorado it would be a gross ethical violation for me to do what was described on NBC. This would apply to most mental health professionals in most states. If you see the initials LMFT, LPC, LCSW or Psychologist after the name of your sex therapist it is not likely they will be watching you have sex any time soon.
I frequently work with people who are trying to make sense of their sexual orientation. For some people it can be confusing and cause great stress on their intimate relationships. For others it can be uncomfortable because they don’t feel like they fit in with either the gay community or the straight community. Others still, wonder if they will ever be able to be happy with just one partner.
Whatever your concern, my goal is to help you find the path that works for you. For those who are in the early stages of exploration, you may find the information below to be helpful.
Bisexuality is when a person is sexually or romantically attracted to both men. Those attractions may evolve, come to life, or change over a person’s life span. Sexual orientation is a continuum ranging from pure heterosexuality to pure homosexuality. Being somewhere in the middle is perfectly normal.
The Kinsey Scale helps to explain the sexual continuum with zero as completely heterosexual and 6 being completely homosexual. In Kinsey’s research where he studied approximately 18,000 people in the 1930′s and 1940′s he found that a very small percentage of people are either a zero or a 6 and that most people fall somewhere in between.
Here is one of my favorite quotes by Dr. Alfred Kinsey from his book published in 1948:
“Males do not represent two discrete populations, heterosexual and homosexual. The world is not to be divided into sheep and goats. Not all things are black, nor are all things white. . . . [O]nly the human mind invents categories and tries to force facts into separate pigeonholes. The living world is a continuum in each and every one of its aspects. The sooner we learn this concerning human sexual behavior the sooner we shall reach a sound understanding of the realities of sex.”
Nobody comes into my office and says, “Hey Doc, I just lost my life savings and my erection is better than ever.” The truth is that stress can negatively impact erections but so can a lot of other things. More than one-third of American men between 40 to 70 experience erectile difficulties (ED). That’s 20 million men! The great thing is that there is a lot you can do to improve the situation. If you are on medication, talk to your doc and see if your meds could be the culprit. If so, there are generally alternatives that are more penis-friendly. Exercise more. It’s all about your cardiovascular system and blood flow. If you smoke, stop yesterday. Not only do cigarettes make your mouth taste like an ashtray but they will soften your erection as well and ultimately make your penis shrink down to the size of a baby carrot. Viagra, Cialis and Levitra may be options for you as well. Many GP’s are not aware of the 2.5 MG dose of everyday Cialis so you might want to talk to your MD about that as an option (less side affects and you are always ready). Your diet and vitamins can also have an impact. There is a really good book called “The Hardness Factor” that has lots of details about how diet and vitamins can make for a harder and happier penis. The bottom line is that most couples don’t have to settle for softness.
I wish this post was about Iraq or North Korea however unfortunately we are talking about California, the largest state in this great nation. Merriam-Webster’s 10th edition contains the term and definition for “oral sex” (oral stimulation of the genitals). This past week, one parent in Riverside, California complained to the school district and the world’s most published dictionary has been banned from the 4th and 5th grade classrooms. This is the type of “head in the sand” policy that continues to cause increasing rates in STD’s and unwanted teen pregnancies. Our kids need comprehensive sexuality education. Ignorance solves nothing. I’m guessing that most 4th and 5th graders have access to a computer. When they do a Google search for “oral sex” like I just did, they are going to see that the search engine found 21,300,000 pages of information on oral sex, the first of which was “Free Nasty Oral” while the second was “give the best blow jobs.” CNN took a pole and found that 97% of the respondents are against banning the dictionaries yet the school board remains solid in their convictions and have vowed to “start looking for other things of a graphic nature.” I propose that the 11th edition of the dictionary shows a picture of the 2010 school board next to the word, “knucklehead”.