In 1997 in Rome, Italy, an 18-year-old girl was raped by her 45-year-old driving instructor, who was later convicted and sentenced to jail. The perpetrator appealed the sentence, and his case went to the Italian Supreme Court where the case was overturned. The Head Judge released a statement arguing that because the victim wore tight jeans, he assumed that she must have helped her perpetrator remove her jeans and, therefore, consented.
This is enraging and is commonly referred to as victim blaming. Sadly, because of the many women I treat for trauma, rape and abuse, I know that unfortunately this sort of awful activity continues to occur here in our great state of Colorado.
The Colorado Coalition Against Sexual Assault (CCASA) is holding its’ 3rd Annual Colorado Denim Day event in an effort to raise awareness about sexual assault throughout Colorado and to raise funds to support the mission of promoting safety, justice, and healing for survivors while working toward the elimination of sexual violence in our communities. Please join me…
Sign-up today! Go online to www.coloradodenimday.org/participate.
On Colorado Denim Day, April 29, 2015, state agencies, businesses, and other groups in Colorado will be asked to allow their employees to pay $5 in exchange for wearing jeans on Denim Day. Wearing jeans is a conversation-starter and visual sign of your support of survivors and CCASA’s mission to end sexual violence. Colorado Denim Day will show the power of communities coming together to support survivors and take a stand against sexual violence.
If you are going to be in the LA area on May 17, you won’t want to miss the world premier of Stake in the Ground my my pal, Dr. Jallen Rix. In this play that Jallen wrote and performs in, he exposes the damaging sexual shame and stigmas society dumps upon the innocent. It is also showing in Palm Springs on May 23 and 24. Fasten your seat belt and get ready for a wild ride with Jallen!
For ticket information:
Be a part of the World Premiere at
Highways in Santa Monica, CA
Sunday May 17, 2pm – tickets at: highwaysperformance.org
or phone reservations: 310-315-1459
Spend Memorial Day Weekend in the desert and see the
Palm Springs Premiere at the Desert Rose Playhouse
Saturday, May 23, 8pm & Sunday, May 24, 2pm
Tickets (on sale April 25) – desertroseplayhouse.org
Please allow me to introduce you to my friend, Esther Perel…
Everyone in our field knows that Esther is a shining star in the world of sex, intimacy and relationships. She is a masterful clinician practicing in New York City and the most eloquent person I know. Esther authored the “must read” book for couples called “Mating in Captivity” and she gave a remarkable Ted Talk viewed now by some 6 million people. Esther speaks a half dozen languages fluently and she has an extraordinary clinical understanding of eroticism. Esther epitomizes the concept of being an old soul.
My reason for writing about Esther however isn’t about her brilliance, but rather her professional generosity. Several years ago when Esther was visiting Denver, we were “talking shop” over dinner. She was kind enough to share an exercise with me that she does with her clients. I have been using it ever sense with my own clients however I hadn’t yet passed it on to the clinicians that I teach, supervise and mentor. So on this beautiful Sunday morning here in Denver, I sent Esther an e-mail requesting permission to share her work. Before I could get back upstairs with a fresh cup of coffee, there was a lovely affirmative response waiting for me.
That my friends, is professional generosity and I didn’t want it to go un-noticed. Thank you, Esther for all that you do for our beloved field, the clients we serve, and the work we do.
The Colorado Department of Human Services launched a new statewide child abuse and neglect hotline – 1-844-CO-4-KIDS. Governor Hickenlooper’s Child Welfare Plan “Keeping Kids Safe and Families Healthy” called for the creation of the hotline to promote greater safety for Colorado’s children.
Designed to provide one, easy-to-remember phone number for individuals to use statewide to report suspected child abuse and neglect, the hotline serves as a direct, immediate and efficient route to Colorado’s 64 counties and two tribal nations, which are responsible for accepting and responding to child abuse and neglect inquiries and reports. All callers will be able to speak with a call-taker 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.
We all play a role in the prevention of child abuse and neglect!
The University of Denver has a wonderful new resource center for separating and divorcing families. It is low cost, sliding scale and all inclusive. There are education services, therapeutic services and legal dispute resolution services. The program includes individual and family counseling which can be tremendously helpful. The services are available for separating or divorcing families with children. For more information go to www.du.edu/separatinganddivorcingfamilies. Phone: 303.871.3700.
It is programs like this that make me proud of my connection to DU where I speak to graduate level counseling and psychology students throughout the year.
I have been caring for Gender Variant folks now for nearly a decade now. It isn’t the largest part of my practice, however it is a part of my work that I cherish because being transgendered in our society can be extremely difficult. When “In Touch” Magazine asked me to be interviewed about Bruce Jenner’s transition, I decided to do it in the hopes that my comments might be one small step toward making it easier for all families where there is Gender Variance. To be clear, Bruce is not my client or I wouldn’t be talking about this.
However there is a lesson here where all of us cisgendered folks can help. It is very important to almost all transgendered folks that they are referred to with proper pronouns. Most of what is written about Bruce continues to refer to Bruce as him. If we are being respectful, we would ask how a trans-person wants to be referred to and then do that judiciously. A person transitioning from Male to Female would generally want to be referred to as female, she, her. That is one way all of us can help make our transgendered friends and family feel loved and supported.
As this week unfolded I realized there was an unusually high level of curiosity from my clients and friends as to how the “sex therapist” was going to spend Valentine’s Day. I can only wonder what they were imaging we had planned. Better tighten the bolts on the chandeliers!
The truth is that my partner and I don’t actually treat Valentine’s Day differently than any other day because we try to make everyday special. We don’t exchange gifts on V-Day and we don’t go out. We stay in and I do my best to cook something yummy, just like most Saturday nights.
The truth is that we made a commitment to each other nearly a decade ago to create such a high quality relationship that we would wake up each morning and select each other all over again, every day of our life. So for us, it is less about making certain days special, and more about making every day special.
But that’s just us. There are as many ways to live a wonderful life as there are couples. However you celebrate, Happy Valentine’s Day to all!
It is with great pleasure that I will begin teaching this year at the University of Michigan School of Social Work Sexual Health Certificate Program. The University of Michigan is one of the leading programs in the world for clinicians on a path towards becoming sex therapists. I am honored to be a part of such a fine institution.
This is a part time position and I am not relocating to Ann Arbor, as lovely as it is. Everything related to my practice, teaching and supervision commitments in Colorado remain unchanged.
Becca and I were watching the history channel tonight and we saw a story about WWII submarine Captain Eugene B. Fluckey. We couldn’t help but wonder, what if my name was Neil Fluckey? No matter how much expertise or experience I had, would anyone really see a sex therapist named Dr. Fluckey? Just sayen’
This is a great opportunity for anyone wanting exceptional training to become an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist. If chosen, you would be studying under one of the leading men in our field, Dr. Eli Coleman and his team.
The Program in Human Sexuality at the University Of Minnesota Medical School is seeking applicants to join a vibrant team of faculty and postdoctoral fellows for a two-year fellowship program. Fellows would provide individual, family, couple and group psychotherapy for a wide range of sexual dysfunctions and problems including: relationship and sexual problems, transgender issues, sexual orientation concerns, compulsive sexual behavior, paraphilias, sexual offending, and HIV counseling. The clinic serves a diverse group of patients (an average of 1,300 visits per month), including children, adolescents, minorities, disabled individuals, and clients with chronic medical or mental health problems.
We are looking to fill two positions by fall of 2015. Interested candidates should submit a copy of their curriculum vitae, cover letter, and three letters of recommendation no later than December 31st to the Program in Human Sexuality, attn. Eli Coleman 1300 S. 2nd St., Suite 180, Minneapolis, MN 55454 at: http://employment.umn.edu/applicants/Central?quickFind=124167